Broken promises, a missed deadline, making mistake, forgetting something important, being late, rude or unprofessional, offensive behavior, misunderstanding or broken communication - do you recognize this? There are numerous situations in the workplace environment when someone's feelings were heart, trust betrayed, relationships destroyed.
The common statement "We all human, we all make mistakes" or casual and careless phrase "Just understand it or forget about it" could make the situation or conflict worst and would never help to restore and rebuild trust.
When apology is poorly delivered, it can make a bad situation worse. In some cases hurt people might feel that instead of healing their feelings you rub salt in their wound. As Gilbert Keith Chesterton said, "A stiff apology is a second insult.... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt."What insulted or offended people expect and accept is sincere, honest and thoughtful apology delivered on time.
Why we don't like to admit our guilt?
How often do you hear professionals complain about their bosses who never admit their mistake? Did you lose your best co-worker friend only because you believe he/she didn't declare his/her fault? Why it is so easy for us to say "I am sorry" to the stranger we bumped into on the street and sometime almost impossible to tell the same words to the person we really care about? What stops us?
1. It takes a lot of effort and moral strength to admit publicly our mistakes. Some tough business professionals think that it is the sign of weakness.
2. We are in the vulnerable state knowing that there are some chances that it might be refused. It is like you are giving the power to make a decision whether to forgive you or not to other person.
3. For some people admission of their mistake seems as a useless decision because the damage was already done and relationships were hurt. They see it as a repair work and in many cases could not fix everything.
4. Apology is reflecting action. The more we think about our behaviour and actions that led us to the case we have to ask for forgiveness the more we become embarrassed, ashamed and sometimes even horrified. "What have I done?; "She/he will never forgive me"; "What I was thinking?" we asking ourselves again and again. As a result of it could be we don't know what to say, how and when.
Are you ready to ask for forgives? Are you brave enough to say "I am so sorry, please forgive me?" even knowing you might not be excused? What works and what doesn't? How do you make someone understand that you are really sorry and truly asking for the forgiveness? Are there some times you don't need to do it?
Before you make business apology:
1. What are you apologizing for?
Find the exact reason you are apologizing for, thoroughly analyze the situation from different points of view. Try to understand and accept the other side, value their position and acknowledge their feelings and emotions.
2. Who are you apologizing to?
Is it your boss, co-worker, customer?
3. How do you apologize?
A written statement gives the recipient the time to think about the situation and your apology, before responding.
A verbal statement requires that you be prepared for the conversation that will follow the apology based on the recipient's reaction whether it is positive or negative.
4. When should you ask for forgiveness?
Timing is extremely important. Delays can be seen as the issue is not important for you. Quick, immediate apology (especially when the problem is serious) might be viewed as insincere and thoughtless.
The important point here is that timing and forgiveness are closely related. A simple error in judgment can, over time, quickly become a more serious problem in the absence of an apology. Anyone can make a mistake, but if your mistake is compounded by the impression that you're also inconsiderate then the problem can get worse.
A proper apology should include
1. Give a detailed specific declaration (statement) of the situation
You want to make sure that both you and the other person are talking about the same thing. It also legitimizes the feelings of the recipient by having the person who caused the recount the situation.
Keep in mind that you should be as specific as possible. For example, if you missed an important date, don't blame yourself for general absentmindedness but instead for missing that specific date.
2. Acknowledge the hurt or damage done
You are validating their feelings and the recipient begins to sense that you understand the situation. This is important to rebuilding your relationship because it legitimizes their reaction, even if others in the same situation may have reacted differently.
"I fully understand the hurt I have done for the company"
3. Take full responsibility
Taking responsibility and recognizing your role in the situation without offering excuses is important to letting them know that you understand that the event and your actions did cause them harm.
Don't try to defend yourself or justify the situation or your actions. The apology is all about THEM and how they feel. It doesn't matter if the actions were intentional or not, the end result is the same and that is what needs to be focused on when learning how to say I'm sorry.
"I am responsible for it"
4. Recognize your role in the situation
"It was my fault because I was late and didn't open the store on time."
5. Include a statement of regret
Phrases such as I "apologize" or "I'm sorry" along with a promise that it won't happen again are important to rebuilding the relationship and are key ingredients to any apology. After all, there is no value in apologizing for something that you will do again and again.
6. Ask for forgiveness
Asking for forgiveness gives the "power" back to the recipient. It tells them, that you have done all that you can do by apologizing and providing whatever form of restitution you can. The next move is up to them.
7. Promise that it won't happen again
"I will do everything is possible that it won't happened again."
8. Provide a form of restitution, if possible
It is also very important to consider how do you perceive the apology - as an unfortunate duty you have to do from time to time or a valuable opportunity to build, solidify and improve your business relationships? Remember your attitude shows and nobody would believe and accept insincere regret.
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